I Said I Would Write You A Poem

7 years ago
I told my grandmother I would write her a poem
But I had no words for her then
I was 17 and reckless
My eyes were set on the shiny things in life...
That year I moved out on my own
I was cooped up in a town that I felt was too small for my growing personality
I saved up enough money to leave
and I left.
When I got there
The city felt gigantic
There were people and parties and places to go and things to do
ALL of the time
Balconies and buildings
It was beautiful grandma
The lights
The spirit
I wish you were there to see it

5 years ago
I told my grandmother I was working on a poem
but I had no words for her again
I was 19 and I was crazy
The city had become my home
and the newness was gone
I had work everyday and at nights I would play music
by myself on a stage in a bar
Most of my friends had moved away or also had jobs
and we suddenly had become busy
and ingrained in the mechanics of that place
I tried everything I could to bring a bit of the excitement back
It cost me a lot of things
My money
My songs
My time
My sanity
I'm sure if you were there
You would have stopped it

3 years ago
I was in a band
and out of all the songs I wrote back then
I couldn't focus on your poem
I was playing shows almost every night of the week
and if I wasn't playing I was with the band writing or practising
We did radio spots and pressed our own EP
All of our music was self produced, self recorded, and it was a great time in my life
We held our own fundraiser for a children s hospital and raised over a grand playing music 2 years in a row
I got to sing out that boredom I was feeling
It brought back the excitement
The city lights felt a bit brighter
I cared less about having to work a 9-5 job
and I smiled more
If you were there
You would have smiled too

Last year
My grandmother made a joke about the poem I still owed her
I kept telling myself over and over in my head that it was coming
But I couldn't find the words
You see grandma,
That was the year I fell in love
I dedicated every piece of myself to making her happy
My heart buried itself deep into that year
I moved in with her
She was my best friend
I used to talk about bringing her home
To meet the family
To meet you
But time went on and  we fell apart
and I watched these beautiful and strange memories
Pour through my fingers like liquid
My mind was elsewhere
I did everything I could to bring on distraction
I got caught up and lost
That's not a place you would have wanted to be
It wasn't a place I ever hoped to be

But

Lately
I've seen you more now than I did when I was 17 and living with my mother and father
You don't mention the poem anymore
and neither do I
and everything I went through in that place meant nothing compared to how badly I wanted
to give you a poem
To give you words from your grandson that you would look at
In the future
or Someday
and be proud of...